Dad's Guide to Being a Good Neighbor

serious lessons learned from a goofy guy

If you know Frank, you know Frank. At first you’re like, “Who’s this big white dude coming toward me?” And then that big goofy grin opens up and he says, “Well hello there!” You instantly soften and feel his warmth.

Dad is someone who taught me about what I call “staying power.” When things get hard, when things get uncertain, when things get a little darker than we would like, we stay. A certain “stick-to-it-iveness”. Because that’s what we’re here to do: stick with each other in the joy and the sorrow. The good and the bad. The boring and the exciting. We figure it out and we keep going.

Maybe this is informed by the fact he learned about loss and grief at an early age. Maybe by the fact he joined the Navy at a time in his life when he had no clue what to do with his life. Maybe it’s the large family of German farmers that raised him. Maybe it was the days he spent fishing instead of going to class. And maybe - all this has been part of his DNA the whole time.

Frank’s a simple guy. He likes his coffee a certain way and he’s worn the same style of jeans as long as I can remember. But it’s in his simplicity that there are lessons I have learned than I keep going back to as I move into my own season of remembering how to be a human, a spouse, a parent, and another white dude in this world.

Frank and Ezra having a good sit.

1. Pay attention. Look out for babies and when elders need a hand. Listen for changes in the sounds around you. Pay attention to the patterns of nature and the ways they communicate. Notice changes in the landscape around you.

2. Be prepared. Always have a pen, chapstick, or leatherman on hand. If you think you’re prepared enough, think again. It’s never a bad thing to be over-prepared. This applies to weather, natural disaster, safety, or feeding people.

3. You never know what you have until it’s gone. This applies to people, the perfect pair of underwear, jeans, shoes, pens, winter gear, sunglasses, coffee, and more.

4. Get to know your neighbor. Even if it makes you late for dinner. A lot. Know the people around you and learn how your life intertwines with others.

5. Don’t forget to take the brats off the grill. Unless you like to eat charcoal.

6. Laugh. Even if you’re the only one who thinks you’re funny.

7. Lead with love with what you say and how you act. Just because you look like a big intimidating white dude doesn’t mean you need to act like a big intimidating white dude.

8. Work hard and be nice. Take care of your family and take care of the ones who need help around you.

9. Spend time with your friends. Even if it’s just to do gross guy stuff.

10. Keep a checklist. Do what you say you’re doing to do and do it well. (Otherwise you will have our spouse to answer to. And she’s really the one in charge here.)

11. Talk to little kids. Remember you’re a human on this planet still trying to figure it all out just like them.

12. Feed your brain. Read. There are stories beyond the one you are living. Do crosswords. Learn.

Finally:

13. There’s nothing wrong with a good sit. Watch the storms roll through. Listen to the birds. Wave to the dog walkers. Put the phone down. Sit. Be. Invite others to join.